Chapter Three-Conflict Resolution

“Is homosexuality a sin? Does God hate me? Am I going to Hell because I’m a homosexual?”

If the question of where homosexuality comes from is not enough, we have to unpack the question, that probably gives rise to the question of origin in the first place. After all, if we are born this way, then God cannot be angry with us, right? He made me this way! If He did, then I am not to blame for these feelings.

But we are not born this way. The reason someone has same-gender attraction is nurture, not nature. But now comes the question—what does God think about homosexuality, and how do we respond? Or, if you do not believe in God, should people be homosexual?

If we take God out of the picture, and we look at the issue of homosexuality completely from an evolutionary perspective, homosexuality makes absolutely no sense. The preface of Darwinism is survival of the fittest. Part of fitness is the ability of producing healthy offspring. That is absolutely impossible within a homosexual relationship. No matter how hard you try, you cannot get a baby from two “mommies;” cannot get a child from two “daddies.” Through the lens of evolution, homosexuality should be completely outlawed. It is a threat to our species.

But I am not an atheist, and I do believe in God. So what does God think about “homosexuals?”

To answer that question, I ask another. What does God think of liars and murders, of adulterers and gluttons, of fornicators and the proud, of God-haters and promise breakers?

It is all the same.

In chapter two, I spoke of all sin as symptoms to a deeper issue—we are all broken inside; our hearts are in need of mending. The reason we lie, cheat, steal, murder or slander is because of one thing—a broken soul.

So the real question at hand is what is God’s reaction to our brokenness?

I am going to be speaking about the Christian God, expressed through Jesus. Although you may consider God to belong to a different religion, Jesus is the one I am most familiar with, and the one I have “wrestled out” my same-gender attraction with.

“As he (Jesus) was speaking, the teachers of the religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. ‘Teacher,’ they said to Jesus, ‘this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The Law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?’ They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, ‘All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!’ Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, ‘Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?’ ‘No, Lord,’ she said. ‘And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I. Go and sin no more.’” (John 8 NLT)

According to Christian beliefs, Jesus was and is the only human without sin. He was the perfect man. When Jesus says, “He without sin throw the first stone,” he knew he was the only one who could initiate “justice” on the adulterer, and it was Jewish justice to stone her. According to their law, all adulterers were to be stoned. Jesus as a man after “holiness” should have picked up the stone and throw it as hard as he could, but the stone never left the dust. Instead, he showed mercy, because he knew the reasons this woman was running from man to man was because her heart was in desperate need of love, and he gave it freely.

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. (John 3:17 ESV)

Jesus is the only one with “credentials” to execute justice, but he never does. Instead, he showed love; he showed mercy.

In another portion of scripture Jesus says, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.” (Luke 5:31-32 NLT)

Throughout Jesus ministry he hung out with the “worst of the worst,” while the religious sneered and mocked.

We, Christians, claim to be followers of Jesus, but what would be your reaction if our kids threw a party at the house, and they invited prostitutes, drag-queens and divorcées (the “worst of the worst”)? Would we welcome them?

I once sat in a church service where the pastor was speaking of repentance (a very inaccurate view of repentance). Here were some of his words, “People don’t want to be held accountable anymore; people don’t want pastors to get mad at their sin. I have heard people complain that the church isn’t welcoming and open enough. That it’s judgmental and hypocritical. If you want to be welcomed, if you want an “open” environment, go to a bar. I don’t have time for your lack of repentance.”

How does that make someone feel who is in desperate need of love—the true healing nard, able to transform our broken souls?

The church expects people to simply “get their act together,” to repent of our sin because Jesus died for us. While growing up, the church was not a place I went to feel loved. I went because I felt like I needed to in order to be a “good person,” whatever that means. Between that and a Christian school, I felt like I was “the worst of the worst, the dirtiest of sinners.”

But when I look at Jesus’s life, the people who were drawn to this man were “the worst of the worst, the dirtiest of sinners.” If the church really is composed of his followers, why do we not have the same crowd? Instead, this is what we look like.

Many of us have abandoned unconditional love, and as a result, we have turned to moral management. Here in lies a fatal flaw, and a fact is quickly discovered—none of us can manage our darkness. But instead of pouring forth love, instead of speaking belonging and holiness found in “Christ Alone”, we have manufactured a moral scale with slander and pride at the bottom and homosexuality and divorcees at the top.

A wise woman I know gave the best advice to an abused wife. The woman came in with tears and bruises, looking for answers. She confessed to this wise woman that her husband was hitting and screaming at her on a continual basis. She wanted to do the right thing, and every time she went to the church, the elders counseled her to “just keep praying.” Do you know how that elderly woman counseled her? “Kill him. The church will eventually forgive you for murder and if you find Jesus in jail, but they will never let you live down a divorce.”

It is so sad, but true.

In order to cope with our humanity, we have made the more “severe sinners” feel isolated and alone, in order to put pins on our shoulders and lift a dignified nose. A pathetic cause. We are supposed to agents of love. If the pastor were to give me that same ultimatum—religious piety or the “welcoming” bar, I would pick the bar. We long for a sense of home, even if it is found at the bottom of a glass.

Jesus was the reality of home. Why do you think so many literally left their literal homes? Because he embodied a “hearty welcome”—so much better than a roof and walls. People long to belong; they long to be cherished, and they found it in a vagabond.

At the moment of his death, Jesus uttered those immortalized words, “It is finished.” What work had he completed? At the very second those words left his lips, a curtain in the temple of Yahweh, a symbol of the eternal separation between God and man, was ripped in two. Coincidence? I think not. The work that Jesus came to accomplish was to reunite the parted Creator with His beloved creation, through cleansing any stain that would separate us. In one moment came the justification of man and victory over sin through the thunder of agape.

I have a bold claim to make. It is broad, regarding the issue of morality as a whole, but it applies to the topic at hand, namely homosexuality.

When Jesus died and resurrected, the whole world was redeemed, the whole world was reborn. Sin was conquered; death was defeated. Everyone was “saved,” that term so often mentioned within the church. We were all made something new that day, the only difference between a “Christian” and an “unbeliever” is just that—belief.

Because of Jesus, I can look at everyone and say, “You are holy; you are blameless; you are something new.” It is a reality, which was initiated at the cross.

Baptism is agreeing with that fact. I am no longer what I used to be. In the words found in Galatians, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”

Everyone has been put on equal ground at the cross. That is probably why it is always referred to in the Old Testament as “leveling of hills, and lifting up of valleys.” We all stand on equal ground, and it is the unconditional love of Jesus. There is no moral hierarchy.

Now back to the issue at hand. So what does this mean about homosexuality? Is a homosexual going to hell?

I have not gone to either Heaven or Hell, so I cannot tell you first hand, but based off of what I find in the Bible, entrance into Heaven is based solely on faith, on trusting entirely in what Jesus has accomplished with those words. Our “merit” is based entirely on belief. Period.

It is bigoted and absurd to hold up signs saying, “God hates fags!” “Those queers are going to hell!” The God who had the right to condemn chose not to. What right do any of us have in judging others? It is complete ludicrously to deem oneself worthy of determining other’s destiny in eternity. To accuse others is joining the chorus of that age old Enemy Christians have deemed “Satan.” By condemning ally yourself with the King of Lies when raising accusations.

Christ did not come to condemn, but to save.

This all bring us back to yet the question—should people be homosexual?

Now my answer. I do not believe God’s best plan for an individual is a homosexual lifestyle.

At the age of seventeen, when God came all too much like Morpheus, He did not say, “Pick me, or go to Hell.” He said He loved me no matter what, but He said I had to choose to either trust Him or trust my homosexuality. If I chose to trust Him, He promised me a “full life,” but if I chose homosexuality, He let me know it would not satisfy.

Either way He loved me, either way the blood of Jesus was for me, not by merit, but faith. But my decision that night would determine my satisfaction in life. God was letting me know homosexuality would not satisfy the crying broken pieces of my heart.

My soul had created a counterfeit—mirage—when deep down, the greatest need my heart had, was for someone to open the door, to let me in and belong. My heart thirsted for intimacy, for home, and I believed I could find it in a homosexual relationship.

In recent news, Tom Daley, a British Olympic diver “came out” via YouTube. In his very personal confession, he said “I’ve met someone, someone that makes me feel safe, and that someone happens to be a guy.” Of all the words Tom could have picked, he picked safe. Why? We are in a quest for home, and our souls are desperately searching for belonging, for safety, for purpose, for love.

“My people have abandoned the fountain of living water and hewed out cisterns for themselves broken cisterns that can hold no water.” (Jeremiah 2:13 ESV)

“If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me… out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” (John 7:37-38 ESV)

As shared before, when God asked me who to trust, I told Him I could not follow Him, I could not live right. His response was to just to get to know Him and He would take care of the rest. As I became intimate with Christ, thirsts of my soul were satisfied. The rivers of unconditional love transformed my life. It was not until I became a pastor, adding conditions and requirements to my relationship with God that I began to have thoughts of same-gender attraction.

My question to you, if you find yourself in a homosexual lifestyle, is not, “Don’t you think you should change?” Nor is it “Do you think it’s wrong?” My only question is: are you truly satisfied? Are the longings of your heart met?

I had a roommate once. Growing up he had same-gender attractions. When his mom and step-dad found out, they put him into the foster care system, where he was adopted by another family who said, “Live however you want to live. You were born this way.” Throughout high school my roommate had multiple boyfriends, and continued to have multiple men in his life on into his young adult years.

Then one day an old friend from a mission trip years ago (this was before my roommate’s family kicked him out) reconnected with him. My roommate was very blunt about his current lifestyle. In response, the old friend, after a few moments of silence, asked my roommate one simple question—are you satisfied?

Are you satisfied with homosexuality?

Statistics show heterosexual relationships last much longer than homosexual relationships. Fidelity, although decreasing overall, is startlingly higher in heterosexual relationships vs homosexual relationships. During the time of my life, while I trying to pursue a homosexual relationship, the amount of men I encountered who were in pursuit of relationship number twenty blew me away.

Yes, there are accounts of life-long homosexual partners, the amounts are incredibly low. To me this promise of satisfaction within a homosexual relationship seems all too elusive.

But the facts do not matter. This is about you the reader. If you are currently in or pursuing a homosexual lifestyle, are you satisfied? Or are you left wanting?

Below you will find three letters. It is my heart that through these letters, change can occur. We cannot keep pretending that or opinions on this matter do not matter. They do. Whether you consider yourself to be a “less than please” homosexual or simply someone who wants to be a part of a movement, ushering in the healing of an all-too-abusive topic, I encourage you to read on.

 

To those who are caught up in same-gender attraction…

I want to start by saying, “You are beloved. You are precious. There is a God, and He is not mad at you. In fact, He cannot stop thinking about you. If you are a guy, you are a manly man. You exude masculinity! The amount of testosterone pulsing through your behemoth veins bewilders me! You are handsome, strong and all together manly. To you women, you are gorgeous! You have captivated the heart of your Eternal Papa. You are His beloved daughter of grace and beauty. The amount of femininity pulsating from your body is overwhelming! You are a beautiful womanly woman, and you have ravished His heart.”

Whether you are tired of continuing in your endless chase of same-sex romance or you are not even sure what you want, I want to emphasize that this is a God of love, and He wants to know you—with or without your attractions. Just get to know Him as you are. Take a leap of faith.

Begin there.

After that, if you begin to decide that the homosexual lifestyle is not for you, a choice must be made—a choice to believe that what Jesus did actually did change you; that you truly are a new creation; that you are made in His image; that you are 100% heterosexual. To those of you who are women, you are 100% woman. You must believe you do not fall short any longer. You must not forgo your birthright. You are woman, look at you roar. To those of you men out there, you are 100% man. You are strong and capable. You do belong to your gender. You are not different. You are not alone. We all struggle, and despite the doubts, despite any uncertainty, even in the wake of committing a homosexual act, you must choose to believe you are something new.

But you cannot do this alone. In fact, life, despite the state of it, is not meant to be done alone. Some of my deepest moments of healing in my life came from taking a leap of faith, and inviting someone into my story, to have them fight for me, to bleed with me.

If you have not told someone about your same-gender attraction, it is time to do so. You cannot remain alone any longer. You may be terrified; you may lose sleep just thinking about how someone will respond? Welcome to the club. I had some of the worst reactions when I shared I had attractions to other men. But I also experienced the deepest moments of love. It is a gamble, but it is worth it.

How are you allowing the unconditional love of God to penetrate your heart, if you are unwilling to acknowledge where you currently are. Regardless of your present state, it is time to invite not only God, but others into who you are now.

Life is not about the destination; it is not about “arriving.” It is about the journey. Life is a never-ending, eternal journey, and cannot be traversed alone.

I know the number one thing that will hinder you is shame. “Christians” and even culture has done a really good job of making same-gender attraction something to be shameful of, that it is something special, the exception. Shame will rob you, rob you of the love God has for you.

One time, after looking at homosexual pornography, I felt so dirty and shameful. Tears streamed down my face as I exclaimed to God, “I’m so sorry.” But I was quickly silenced.

There in my brokenness I heard God say, “Quit robbing the cross with your tears. Get up off the ground, and just start thanking me for the death of Jesus. It was enough. I don’t need your tears.” I got up, wiped my face, and simply began to thank Jesus. He really is enough. Then God asked me, “Who do I say you are?” Holy. Blameless. Loved. A man.

Who does God say you are?

Throughout the years, as I have simply trusted that what Jesus did was enough, as I surrendered to God’s furious love, the cracks and scars of this bleeding soul become whole. My restless searching comes to a conclusion. He told me, “If you will just get to know me, I’ll take care of the rest.” He did not lie. Stop worrying about “your sin.” He took care of it.

You know what is crazy? God is not intimidated, surprised or scared of your mistakes. If fact, you see, “Crap! I messed up again!” He says, “Yes! One mess-up down! Only five more to go!” He sees the whole picture; He sees your journey, and He does not abandon you in your sin. In fact, He has brought immense healing through some of the “darkest” of moments.

One time, while I was masturbating, I heard an abnormal statement from God. “Alright, Brandon, if you are going to do this, we are going to not imagine guys. We are going to imagine this moment is happening with your wife. Imagine the amazing sex and intimacy you two can share void of shame or fear, serving each other in your ‘obedience’ to that first command I gave.” And instead of masturbating to homosexual fantasies, another fantasy was formed—a foretaste of what it will be like in marriage, and I loved it!

You may disagree thought, claiming it was not God talking to me in that moment. Well please tell me who it was, because it brought so much freedom, healing and hope. I would like to thank them.

As Christian men, our favorite “small group” conversation is about this “M Word.” Masturbation is really awkward to say as a “good Christian boy,” so we come up with code words—“riding the bike,” “choking the chicken,” “going on a date with Jane Hancock.” The list is endless, and we, Christian guys, make it our life’s goal to “defeat this awful sin.” For something we talk about a lot, you would think that the Bible does too. But in fact, the Bible does not talk about it… at all. Literally there is not one single verse on masturbation. For something we put a lot of effort and attention into, there seems to be a lack of attention on it from God. It could be He cares a lot more about other things, the things He did talk a lot about like love, servitude, money, marriage, evangelism. Just a thought.

In chapter two I briefly mentioned conditioning. This speaks of how your actions dictate your brain’s hormonal arousal. Basically, “If you masturbate to bridges, you’ll be aroused by bridges.” If you have continually trained your hormones to be aroused by the same gender, no matter how hard you “wish away those feelings,” your hormones are going to start firing when you see “dem bridges.”

We are a whole person. In Christianity we like to only talk about the spiritual, and maybe venture into the emotional. It is time to invite Jesus into not only your “spiritual,” “mental” or “emotional life, but also your physical life. Instead of praying all the time, why not exercise or eat right? “Oh no, those are physical things. They don’t matter to Jesus.” Beg to differ. He is interested in all of you, including your hormones.

I do not know what that looks like to you. I am not necessarily advocating masturbating to straight porn to change your “gay thoughts.” I am just saying you should ask God how He would like to transform those areas of your life.

Multiple times, while Jesus was on the earth, He healed people. Broken legs. Blind eyes. Leprosy. Sometimes, Jesus simply spoke a word and the healing came. Other times, Jesus said, “Get up!” or he put mud in eye balls. What I am trying to say is, faith without action is not really faith. Sometimes God in His love asks us to take a leap, and actually do something. Ask Him what “steps of faith” He has in store for you.

 

To those who have not had to wrestle with same-gender attractions, but desire to make a change…

Stop agreeing with the Devil. He is the accuser; He is the liar. Stop joining his chorus of mockery.

When you see a guy who flips his wrists or wears too many colors, believe truth about him—he is heterosexual, he is altogether manly. If you see a woman with a low voice and a short haircut, believe the truth about her—she is the straightest of the strait.

This homosexual witch-hunt needs to end, and it is completely disarmed if we all simply begin to give people the benefit of the doubt. Do not even wonder if they “struggle with their gender,” especially with our ridiculous “Christianese.” “Oh, you can just tell that she wrestles with her identity.” “Oh that guy? Yeah, he has a father wound for sure.” “You can tell they need some ‘healing.’”

Stop it! Do not even suspect that someone has same-gender attraction. As said before, homophobia is destroying so many lives. Through it, people have been ostracized and labeled falsely. It actually is an engine of depriving love of people who need it most.

Guys, enough of the strategic urinal positioning, the labeling of everything “feminine” as “gay” and “queer,” the endless amounts of time in the mirror to ensure you do not look like your trying too hard, because that would be “gay.” The endless testosterone competitions are destroying people. If you got the massive biceps, the deep voice or the “hot” girlfriend—the list of supercilious qualifications of masculinity, you feel great and accomplished. But what about the guy who falls short? As we have these purposeless competitions, the “losers” feel like they do not belong, that they are not as manly as you are, that they are lesser of a man.

It is time to celebrate the “other side of the coin” concerning femininity and masculinity. Stop viewing determined, tough women as masculine, therefore a “lesser woman.” Do not consider a sensitive, artistic guy a 65% man. Rejoice in the gender diversity; believe everyone around you is straight, because they really are.

But what if a friend of yours does tell you they have same-gender attractions? What if your son or daughter comes to you in confidence with a “dark confession?” How do you respond?

The number one thing you can do to help bring healing to their soul is to not overreact. Say you love them, that you are there for them, and for crying out loud hug them. Let them know that you are honored they felt safe enough around you to tell. After that, tell them they are a manly dude, a “sexy lady.” Speak into who they truly are. Call the woman or man out of them. But also let them know that they are not alone. You can even share this blog with them. One of the biggest reliefs to someone having same-gender attractions is to talk to someone who can relate, but it is also healthy to talk to someone who does not relate. They need you. They need to know they belong to their gender. They need to know you approve of them. Do not run away.

If you are both of the consensus that homosexuality is a sin, remind them that it is just as “sinful” as lying cheating. Remind them it is not the “worst of the worst sin.” Then remind them that regardless, it is all taken care of in Jesus.

When living in a dormitory setting, set in the ridiculously humid and hot state of Texas, we had communal showers. Every night, there was this “man’s man” that would look over at me while I brushed my teeth. “Brandon, you are a beautiful man of God.” As ridiculously as that sounds, it spoke volumes to my heart.

Another time, while working on a draft of this book, I shared with a good friend my story with same-gender attraction. “Really?” He responded. “You’re one of the manliest men I know.” Again, the healing elixir flowed.

Agape love flows freely from the heart of God. It truly heals and restores. We are not God. We are humans, and faithful to our nature, we fail often. However, we are called “to be God’s hands and feet,” to “be His ambassadors of reconciliation.” Although our love is not perfect, although it does not compare to that of the Holy One, we can give people a foretaste of Heaven, we can reflect, if but dimly, the light of the Son.

 

To the institution called to be God’s hospital, not the ballroom of perfectly painted faces…

It is time to be real. It is time to be honest. None of us are perfect, and it might be good for the congregation to know that we are all equally human… especially the pastor.

In the church, due to our ludicrous moral scale, we have resurrected the ancient order of priests—men devoted to holiness and the things of God. This is foolishness. The man on the pulpit is just as human as you are. Why do we lift them on high moral pedestals, only to fall from devastating heights? It creates a rift in the transcendent family, allowing us mere congregants to behave as absurdly as we want, while expecting perfection from the man not sitting in a pew.

We need to all be honest, and we need to talk about the taboo things. I am not saying the “homo” word needs to be uttered in every nursery classroom. But sex needs to be talked about in a positive light, starting in middle school. The church wants to produce “heterosexual” boys and girls, then teaches them that sex is bad, and to avoid the opposite sex. No wonder lots of kids struggle with same-gender attraction in the church; they have been trained to despise the opposite sex.

Not talking about the “s” word will not make hormones disappear. They are going to talk about sex. Would you like them to talk about it in church, with someone who is all to infatuated with the subject, or worse, force them to experiment with themselves and other peers because they are clueless yet curious about their bodies?

We also need to talk about homosexuality in the church. If same-gender attraction is never addressed as a “normal” sin, kids growing up in the church who struggle with it feel completely isolated and alone. In their minds, they are the only ones, and no one will understand. But when homosexuality is thrown into any other list of sins, just like the Bible does (a lot of times we list these verses on homosexuality when “debating” with someone, but we forget that in the same sentence it references liars, fornicators, immoral, gluttons, prideful, murderers… it is all the same), then homosexuality is just another form of depravity, equally bad as the any other sin.

We have to destroy the lie that homosexuality is the worst sin. It will destroy the lives of those who wrestle with attractions to the same sex.

Above all, the church needs to be restored to its original purpose—a hospital for the broken. If we will make Christ’s number one commandment, “to love as he loved,” I believe people will have faith in her, the church, once again.

When I came back from the mission field, I was so disillusioned with the church. While lying under a willow tree of Geneva, I confessed to my friend, “I’m tired of the posers.” I have heard enough sermons for a lifetime; I have sung enough songs for eternity. What I want more than anything is love that does, authenticity and proof of Christ’s power.

I would rather go to a church that the man on stage is a babbling idiot, but opens his home to anyone in need, than the most eloquent of philosophers. I would rather travel with a vagabond who trusts Jesus daily for his food and water, than a plush pastor, whose number one concern for Sunday is how good he looks in his three-piece suit or his graphic tee. I would rather study the Bible with a man whose life has transformed and whose prayers are answered, than any learned scholar.

But more than “proof in the pudding,” I am simply tired of everyone pretending to be perfect. The painted faces, dancing the dirge of religious rhetoric is repulsive. The brokenness is what gives us hope, not the morally upright.

The most glorious characters of scripture are David and Peter—two characters notorious for messing up big time. One was a murderer and adulterer, while the other abandoned Jesus in his hour of need. It was not their zeal that mesmerized us, it was not their scholarly advice, it was their failure and restoration that gave us hope.

Let us be honest with ourselves and with others and stop pretending. Let us take of the masks and live true lives, understanding that we have not “arrived.” We are all trying to figure this out one step at a time.

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:36 ESV)

Do we believe it? Then let us prove it.

 

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So, where does this leave us?

I have come to all I need to say, and yet I feel there yet needs to be more. Maybe there does…

I think that one thing that has continued to come forth through this book is where am I in all of this? In fact a student, who I used to pastor, texted me a somewhat sobering question, “Brandon, does this mean you are coming out?”

If coming out means coming out of shame, of being honest with myself and others? Then yes. I am coming out.

But if coming out means confessing I am a homosexual, then no. I am not “coming out.” Well then what am I? In the words of a dear friend of mine, “I’m human.” Period.

In this life I just hope to love. I know that is simple and maybe cliché, but I have found that the number one thing that has transformed my life is love. I want to do that.

You may ask, “What was I hoping to accomplish with this blog, book, thing?”

For me, this book was a line in the sand. For too long, I have wrestled and fought about this whole issue of “homosexuality,” and I felt shame about sharing me full “testimony,” of being honest with myself and where I came from.

“For we will overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.”

Less than a month ago God walked me through a deep revelation—I need to be thankful for every portion of my life, for every piece of my story, the good and the bad because it has made me who I am today. Whether wrong was done to me or someone lavished a love unknown, whether I made stupid decisions in the heat of “passion” or I chose to trust God, whether I got mad or happy, it all has made me who I am today, and for that I am thankful.

If my story, if this book, has helped just one person to understand that they are not alone, that they are not forgotten, that they are loved, then I guess I fulfilled all I was trying to accomplish in this book. The end.